I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
