Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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