I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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