Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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