We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
