I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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