I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize