I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i now understand why vodka
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
