Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
