Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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