Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
