I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
