My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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