pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
drinking out of a sandbucket again
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
