I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
