yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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