You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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