the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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