Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
