You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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