shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Found the puke drawer
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
