Im at strip club and am horny
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
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That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
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the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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