Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
