Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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