Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
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He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
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Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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