Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
