it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
