You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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