went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
