at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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