I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Your penis caused this!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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