Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
