Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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