just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Randomize
