My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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