tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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