In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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