I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
