Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
