We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
