if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
