i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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