i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
