just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
