I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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