went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
