Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
