Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
NoShamevember. You game?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
