glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
