I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My Higher Power is John Stamos
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
