we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
