It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
