And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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