I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
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But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
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YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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