@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
