I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
