I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
