I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I supernannyed him into submission
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
