hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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