I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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