It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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