So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
