Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
