how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
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We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
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I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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