Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think I died a long time ago.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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