okay pat passed out under dana's car
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
